Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Archaeologists dig up Royal Albert Hall to solve World War Two mystery

In the aftermath of the discovery of the remains of King Richard III under a car park in Leicester a team of archaeologists from the University of the West Midlands, led by Professor Andrew Thompson, a world expert in geophysics technology, will begin an exploratory dig of the arena floor of the Royal Albert Hall later today.

Photo: The team from the University of the West Midlands preparing for the excavation of the Royal Albert Hall

The archaeologists hope that their excavations will settle one of the most important unanswered questions of World War Two: Was one of Hilter's testicles buried somewhere in the Albert Hall. 

Professor Thompson commented "We are all aware of the wartime song which refers to Hitler -seemingly at the hands of his own mother while still a boy - losing a testicle, and that the disjoined appendage is to be found somewhere in the Albert Hall, we hope this project will establish if there is any veracity to this claim". 

The dig, part funded by the National Lottery, is not without its critics, objections were raised by local residents amid concerns that should any body parts of the Nazi leader be found, the Albert Hall might become a focal point for Neo-Nazis. In response, it has been agreed that any human remains discovered will be disposed without ceremony in a secret location. 

There are also those who argue that even if remains are found they may not be Hitler's. Janet Wainwright, an expert in music hall ballads argues: "other versions of the song variously state that it was Hermann Goering who lost a testicle, while apparently 'Hitler's are very small' - but were seemingly still in place at the time of his death". Wainwright adds "as is often the case with music hall lyrics the exact location of the objects referred to in the song remain rather vague". 

Intriguingly, there is some evidence that the German wartime leader did suffer an abdominal wound during his time in the trenches in World War One, and postgraduate researcher, Tess Tickle recently discovered an original musical score, now held in the British Museum, which alludes to fact that the most likely location for the body part is the arena flood of the nineteenth century auditorium. 

Dr. Wolfgang Siemen of Leipzig University, who is acting as a consultant on the excavation, states "one thing I have learnt from over thirty years of academic research - and I have watched all the Indiana Jones movies - is that X always marks the spot, so our initial excavations will in row X of the auditorium". 

The team have a relatively short time to undertake their exploration, the world famous Proms concert season begin on 18 July. Meanwhile Prof. Thompson is sanguine about his chances of success  "It's like looking for a needle in a hay stack - or a shrivelled walnut in a grade one listed concert venue".

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